Eye of the Tiger 🦁

What does it truly mean to be strong? What does strength look like? Some might say that holding your emotions in, not crying when you feel sad and want to cry or holding other things in. Instead of speaking your mind you just "take the hits" that you get and you deal with them as they are and you move on, without saying a word to another as to how you truly feel or what your true desires are. It is not speaking your mind, not showing your true self as you are at a certain moment in time. It could be minimizing something and being "honest" versus telling the whole truth. Telling somebody something that is true, but it is not the whole truth (i.e. I like you versus I love you). Why is this, if so many people are able to do this with ease and do do it easily on a daily basis, referred to as strength. For example, if you are experiencing sadness and you are in public, it doesn't matter who or how many people you are around, you decide to keep your sadness to yourself, even though you want to cry. You try with all of your might to keep that emotion inside of you rather than letting it out into the world. What does this say on a deeper level on who you think you are and how you treat yourself? What this says is, "I will not be accepted for who I am in this very moment, I am sad and I will not be accepted if I show what I am feeling and this is comfortable and acceptable for me to do because I can do it with ease and I do it often when I am faced with similar circumstances." Does this sound like a person who is strong? Strength is courage, courage is strength and when we think about courage what comes to mind? Courage is:

the ability to do something that frightens one.

So, if we are able to hide our emotions with ease in fear of what others might think or say about us, does this point to courage? Does that point to strength? Strength is the ability to:

withstand great force or pressure.
(This I am using in an emotional context rather than physical context)

And stress is:

subject to pressure or tension.

If we are afraid to show our emotions and hiding them is easy and stress free for us, and we decide NOT to show our emotions, how much courage is present there? If we are afraid to show our emotions, and hiding them is easy and stress free for us, and we decide TO show our emotions, how much courage is present there? How strong do you have to be in order to suppress your emotions? Odds are, you don't have to be that strong in order to keep yourself hidden from the world. This does not solely deal with emotions, however, it will and does show up in other ways. My "I'm a badass" ego can come out around certain people and I will make sure that I suppress everything else that is inside of me that isn't "badass". My "I'm an innocent princess" ego can come out and I will make sure that I suppress everything that is inside of me that is not what I think as "innocent". My "victim" ego can come out, and I will make sure that I play that part to the "T" as well. We are all pretty good actors when you think about it, but we just don't know how good we really are at doing it.

So, if holding things in is not strength, then what is? Vulnerability is. Vulnerability:

the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

Now, how easy is it for one to face the possibility of being "attacked" (again, talking more emotionally here) by what and who they truly are inside and still be able to present themselves truly? It takes courage. It takes strength. When the "world" is against showing emotion, when the "common" perceptions on life and who people are are challenged by your perceptions, what do you do? Do you decide to be vulnerable, be strong, and show your truth regardless of the exposition of harm? Or do you cowardly conform to the standard of what you think others expect out of you because you feel that you will not be accepted by who you truly are at any given moment?

Vulnerability is strength. It takes strength and courage to stand in your truth and be who you truly are and expose yourself to the possibility of "harm". It doesn't take strength to keep yourself hidden, to hide your emotions, to conceal your true beauty to the world. Emotionally, socially, being vulnerable in this sense is no different than opening the door to a room knowing that a tiger is in there, free to attack at any given moment.

Do what you are afraid of doing. Show your true self to the world, tell your truth and show your truth. Everybody has the same inside of them, but not everybody has the courage to let that shine through the confines of their mind. What kind of world do you think we would live in if everybody was vulnerable - - I, for one, do not believe that we would have the same fears that we do today about being who we truly are around others. We would see the commonalities between us, we would see the truth in everybody and there would be no fear of that truth, because it would be everybody's truth. The truth would become commonplace, and when something is common, we don't fear acceptance, for we know that we will be accepted.

When in doubt, choose what's difficult to do - not what's easy to do.

Be strong; be vulnerable.

Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at pursueyoucoach@gmail.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://pursueyou.org

Truth v. Honesty

Do you see truth and honesty the same?  Would you come up with the same definitions for each word?  Honestly, the truth is - these two words are not the same.  Do you see what I did there?  🤓

The truth is your truth.  The truth that is buried deep down inside of you.  The truth that you believe the truth to be, no matter how many times you argue with your egoic honest answers.  When someone tells you that you're not good enough, how does this make you feel?  Does it make you feel good?  Probably not.  Do you believe them?  This is where the confusion sets in.  Your heart, your soul will tell you that they are wrong.  Your heart will tell you that you ARE good enough, but that doesn't stop your head from getting into the discussion and saying, "well, what if I am not good enough - what if you are wrong, dear heart."  Who are you going to believe?  Who do you trust?  

You could be honest in saying, "I am not good enough" - you are being honest.  You do feel that way, you do have those thoughts.  

-OR-

You could be truthful in saying, "I am good enough."

Do you see where I'm going with this yet?

Truth and honesty go hand in hand with trust - trust in yourself.  The more you trust yourself, the more truthful you can be.  The truth is what you believe, down to your very core - it is what you know to be true rather than think to be true.  What if you didn't tell yourself "what if"?  Wouldn't you be more self-trusting then?  

When you trust your truth, the former outside validation of that truth then becomes self validated.  No need for anyone to tell you that you are good enough.  You know this on your own and more importantly, you believe it.  Take a good look at yourself, your thoughts, and your actions.  Your mind is excellent at tricking you.  Your mind could say, "well, I know that I am good enough, and I do believe that I am good enough" - you could even express it verbally to others until you're blue in the face - but at the same time, if you are still seeking outside validation for your truths, guess what...it doesn't matter how many times you say that you know you're good enough and that you believe it - your unconscious actions are pointing straight to the truth in that scenario.  Make those unconscious thoughts conscious.

The truth aligns with your soul.  Honesty has many faces and is inconsistent.  You can be honest but not truthful - you cannot be truthful without being honest. 

Now check out my awesome stick figure drawing representation 🙂

Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at pursueyoucoach@gmail.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://pursueyou.org

Time Doesn't Heal All Wounds, I Hope

Everybody knows the saying, time heals all wounds.  But what if this is not the case?  What is time anyways and how does it heal?  What is that time doing to or for us that makes us heal?  The truth is, time doesn't heal wounds.  Time only exists in the mind.  So, if time does not heal...then what does heal?  You heal yourself.  

Time being the healer is an illusion.  You are the healer.  It is what you do with that time that which heals you.  Your thoughts, your presence or non presence, your acceptance or non acceptance is what will heal you or prevent you from healing.  Whatever it may be that you are healing from, death of a loved one, loss of a job, being a victim of any kind of abuse, it doesn't matter.  We get the illusion that time is the healer because as moments pass, our acceptance of our reality in the present moment gets greater and greater.  Surrender in the present moment is the healer; acceptance.  This is not something that comes automatically.  If your thought process is constantly against your present moment - you won't enter healing no matter how much time has passed.  If your thought process is more in acceptance of your present moment, you will enter healing.

I feel like this is a good time to mention hope too.

"I hope things get better soon."

"I hope I can get over this one day."

"I hope my financial troubles don't last too long."

"I hope......."

It doesn't matter what you place at the end, but for this topic's purpose, we'll gear towards "I hope one day I am healed."

The word "hope" points to a place in the future, a place that does not exist yet.  So, when we "hope" what else are we doing than spending our present moments in the future because of the past - we are spending our time in illusion because of an illusion.  Does it make any true sense?  If you're spending your days hoping for something for the future, what are you doing in your present moment other than spending that time in the illusion of the future?  Is spending time in illusion going to assist you in accomplishing what you are hoping for?  Usually, it is not.  If you just have hope, hope is all that you will have.  If you have hope and presence, you can start taking those steps towards whatever you hope for.  If I hope that one day I am healed, if I am not doing anything with my present moment other than hoping.  If I hope that one day I am healed, and if I am spending my moments doing things that will assist me, than I have hope and presence.  Hope without presence is just hope - simply a time in the future that has yet to exist - an illusion.  Hope with presence is change.  Hope with presence is progress.  Hope with presence is reality.

In whatever that you are trying to overcome, just remember that time won't heal your wounds for you - only you can do this.  And if you hope to make progress in your healing, remember to retain your presence.

It should also be noted, that the word "healed" is a limiting word.  This word limits you to "unhealed" or "healed".  But what about that grey space, why does there need to be an end result?  Why limit yourself to "healed" when you could have "healing"?

Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at pursueyoucoach@gmail.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://pursueyou.org

Use Me Don't Abuse Me

What comes to your mind when you think about pain?  Do you think about it and wish that you never had to feel it ever again?  When you feel pain, what do you do with that pain?

They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  How many times have you felt pain in your past, and you continued to suffer from that pain because you kept it in your mind, thinking about it over and over again?  Essentially re-living that pain and bringing it into present moments that are not the moment that the origin of the pain existed in the first place.  The initial moment of pain is gone, but yet we as humans have a tendency to keep this pain in our minds and suffer from it.  What does keeping this pain alive do for you?  Does it change what happened in the past?  The only time machine we have available to us is in our own heads, so the answer there is no, suffering from your pain doesn't change what happened in the past.  It only makes you suffer in the now.  It leaves you miserable.  Ah, but misery loves company doesn't it - and you are that company!  So how does that connect to insanity?  The fact that we continue to re-live our pain and suffer is the insanity!  We keep doing it over and over again, expecting different results.  We re-live the past in our minds, thinking that thinking about it will change what happened in the past, but does it ever change anything? No.  Then, the next time we experience pain, we do the same exact thing.  We keep running that pain in our minds over and over again, re-living the past, and -SURPRISE - it still does not change what happened!  Keeping the pain around and bringing it into your present moment, thinking that something will change is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

What can you do about your pain then?  There is presence.  Keeping yourself in the present moment.  But yet, we are still human and those same thoughts about our pain will still keep popping up in our heads.  So what do we do then?  Do we fight ourselves about having those thoughts about the pain and bringing ourselves closer to suffering?  That doesn't sound very peaceful either, does it?  You can't think about not bringing your past pain into your present and then create more pain for yourself by beating yourself up about not being able to "succeed" at not bringing your past pain into your present.  Use that pain, go into that pain.  Create with that pain.  Direct that energy towards becoming a better you.  Pain is a tool.  Use your pain, don't "abuse" your pain by keeping it alive through your thoughts.  

Picture yourself as a tree.  A young tree.  See your pain as the changing of the leaves every fall.  See the growth and the growing beauty of that tree every year as your growth and beauty from using your pain for growth.  Your leaves may turn and fall every year, but you come out at the end of the tunnel a bigger tree, with more branches for more leaves, more beauty - always.  Use that pain as motivation to keep your peace, to keep your present moment, to further your beauty.  Transform yourself through that pain.  That's where the true change will happen.  Not by thinking about it over and over again.  Change only happens in the present moment.  Ask yourself what you can do in this moment to better yourself, to give yourself peace, to give yourself love.

Your pain is your teacher.  Your pain is your friend.  You wouldn't be the person that you are today without it.  Where would you be at in life right now if it hadn't been for any of your pain?  What things would be different if you had never experienced that pain?  Sometimes we tend to associate pain with negativity while we are experiencing the pain.  But we hardly ever see the positives that may have come out of that pain.  You may have found a potential job that you believed at the time was perfect for you.  You get an interview but you do not get the job.  But because you didn't get that job, you were able to find a job that was even better than that "perfect" job that you were so upset that you did not get.  What seems bad at first can actually be good!  It just takes time for you to see it.  Even after this happens though, that initial pain you felt can still remain with you.  If you find yourself in self-rejection, odds are that that initial pain and the thoughts surrounding it will still come back to you to validate yourself to reject yourself.  It may not have any details of that original pain, but the root of the pain is still there.

Sometimes it's difficult for us to wrap our human minds around the fact that everything happens for a reason and that everything serves a purpose.  Look back at your own life, see if you can find any examples of a time when you thought you were experiencing something bad, but it turned out to be in your favor.  Often times we have our blinders on to the bigger picture.  If your focus is on the negative you will continue to experience the negative.  If you focus on every time you didn't get what you wanted, you'll continue to think that you never get what you want even if not getting what you wanted in the first place led you to getting something better than you had ever imagined!

How much of your pain is pain and how much of your pain is suffering?  You cannot control pain, but you can control suffering.

Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at pursueyoucoach@gmail.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://pursueyou.org

Listening to Understand v. Listening to Reply

I would say that this quote is commonly known.  It is true.  But one day, it randomly came to my mind; what if I am not doing this for myself?  When I am listening to myself, am I listening to understand or am I listening to respond/react?  I found that, although I typically attempted to listen to others to understand versus reply, I was not doing this for myself!  How can I do something to others if I am not doing it for myself?

If your inner thoughts are telling you that you are horrible, you'll never amount to anything, you are disgusting, you're fat and lazy, you're unhealthy, you're a disgrace, you can never win, you'll never accomplish any of your goals...how are you reacting to those thoughts?  Are you getting angry?  Are you getting sad?  That emotion is a reaction to those thoughts!

Try and listen to yourself to understand versus reply.  Ask yourself, "Why am I getting upset/angry over these thoughts?  I know that I DO have the ability to accomplish all of my goals, so why am I allowing myself to get down about not being able to accomplish them?"  Trust comes into play here.  Validation.

There are two layers to this too.  If you are trying to listen to yourself to understand but at the same time you are not listening to yourself to understand about listening to yourself to understand, you are still listening to yourself to reply.

Let's say I decided that I was going to try and give this to myself and try to listen to myself to understand versus reply.  Sometimes, I will think I am successful - other times I will think I am not successful.  In times that I think that I am not successful, am I in acceptance of this?  Or am I using it as additional validation for the thoughts that I was having to begin with?

Give yourself some compassion.  Give yourself some love.  Listen to yourself with the intent to understand versus reply so that you can do the same for others.

Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at pursueyoucoach@gmail.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://pursueyou.org