If you had everything that you ever wanted in life...

Would you be able to accept it?  Or would you find a way to somehow get into a thought process, a pattern, that would lead you to self sabotage?

Quite often, we tend to tell ourselves that we want something, but then once we get it, we turn to old thought patterns, telling ourselves, "This is not going to last, I am going to lose this" or "I won't be successful at this, I will end up failing" - you get the idea.  What happens when we continuously stay in these negative thought patterns?  We will find something that validates this thought, whether or not it even truly exists, and self sabotage.  Then what happens?  We do end up losing "this" and we end up "failing."  But we don't have to continue on doing this.  Have you ever wondered why certain people tend to have the SAME exact experience in relationships or in other aspects of life?  It's not because this person is just unlucky and can't ever experience something different.  It's because of the inner processes within that person that causes them to experience the same thing over and over again.

Ego likes to assume, ego wants to keep us "safe" - that is, after all what it is there for.  We tend to look at the past to try and determine the status of our present moment...this is why the past will repeat itself and this is why the pattern exists.  When you look to the past to determine the status of the present moment, how can you expect anything other than what you have previously experienced?  The first step in having a new experience is allowing this experience to happen, and in order to be able to do this we need to stay in the present moment.  Nothing new comes from the past.  Patterns, repetition, habits, those stem from the past.

What happens when we're not in the past, but in the future?  For one, most of the time that we are in the future, that future is STILL based in the past.  We try and 'predict' outcomes that we believe will keep us "safe" (emotionally) in the future based off of past patterns.  The future also holds "I will."  What I mean by this, is that we pinpoint a time in the future where we say, "This is when ________."  Or we say "One day ____________." This causes anxiety.  Instead of placing our happiness right now in this moment, in the only moment where it could ever truly exist, we place it in a time that has yet to exist.  We place conditions on it.  Instead of feeling this happiness in the only place that it can ever be truly experienced, NOW, we place it on a time and place that doesn't exist so that we can continue on with our thought process of "One day I will be happy."  If you're happiness is "One day I will be happy" your happiness will always be "One day I will be happy."  Can you guess what happens if and when that point in the future is achieved?  What if that happiness comes?  That happiness will be short lived and shortly replaced by another point in the future that says "This is when_______."  And so on and so forth the pattern continues.  When you are dependent on the future for your happiness you are dependent on a moment that does not exist.

If you want something different in life, you need to do something different in your life.  Change these self-sabotaging thought processes, get off the hamster wheel and ALLOW yourself to experience something different.  The past is not going to keep you 'safe' - the past will give you the same experiences over and over again.  The future will not keep you 'safe' - the future will give you an experience of continuous lack and yearning.

Experience vulnerability, jump off your hamster wheel.

 

Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at pursueyoucoach@gmail.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://pursueyou.org

How to Cope With the Unknown: 3 Ways to Cope

I really don't like those "3 things that...." type of posts, and even though this isn't close to those posts that tell you something like "If he does these 10 things he loves you" - I still feel a bit mehh about making this post.  But, the current global events got me inspired.

A lot of people around the world right now are feeling anxious, paranoid, scared, etc.  I started really thinking about these things last night, and what about the whole current situation that is triggering these feelings.  It's not like we have complete scientific data on it, but that is just the thing.  The unknown.  It can be scary.  When we cannot sense anything with all or most of our main senses and knowledge, there is a mystery around that thing.

Think about a box that all of a sudden floats across a room.  We can see the box moving, and probably even hear that box too.  What we don't know is what caused that box to move in the first place.  It is not the box moving that is scary, nor any noises the box is making while it is moving, it is the unknown aspect of what made the box move in the first place that is unnerving.  We have the knowledge of cause and effect.  And our senses sensed the box moving, but in processing the event, our knowledge of cause and effect tells us that something had to have done something to that box to move it across the room.  And if there is nothing around that room besides you and that box...what was it that caused it to move?  If you cannot find the cause, the effect within you will be fear.  Because something had to cause the box to move right?  What was it?

The unknown is scary to us because we cannot assess the risk.  When we cannot assess risk, our egos default to fear, anxiety, etc.

When it comes to the unknown, there are a few things that you can keep in mind that will help ease you through the experience:

1.  Trust:

There is a certain order to nature.  Have you ever thought about how chaotic civilization seems at times, but yet everything has order and everything has its place and serves its own purpose?  On the outside it looks like chaos, but when you look at the details there is order within this appeared chaos.  Trust that whatever may happen is meant to be.  That you will be okay no. matter. what.  Everything that happens is for a reason and you are always exactly where you are meant to be.  You are always imperfectly perfect!  Every single thought, feeling, action, etc., everything.

2.  Believe:

Believe in yourself and your own power to do what is necessary to make an inner change.  Just as much as there is a natural order to things, we also have the power within us to change our inner state of being.  This power is a part of the natural order to things.  Don't wait for something outside of you to change the inner you, you always have and always will have this power inside of you.

3.  Breathe:

Sometimes our fear of the unknown can get out of hand.  We can start to panic, have severe anxiety, and this excessive fear negatively impacts our life in those moments and it can also make us act outside of our normal self.  Take 20 deep breaths, focus on it and focus on your chest going up and down.  When you change your focus to your breathing, your (simply put) focus changes to your breathing rather than the unknown that triggered the fear.  Meditate.  You might even soon forget all about whatever it is that is causing the fear in the first place!  Be in the moment.

A side note to all of this, find balance.  The unknown can be scary at times, however, we shouldn't tip ourselves too far to one scale or the other.

To put it into current context, make sure you are educated about what is going on, but do not spend 3 hours every day reading about it.  Educate yourself enough to make the decision of what kinds of precautions you are going to take, without going to far to where you are exchanging the negative fear of the unknown to a different negative thing and thought process.  Take appropriate steps, but don't go too far.  The key word here is balance.

Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at pursueyoucoach@gmail.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://pursueyou.org

What Ego & Spirit Coherence Looks Like

In my last post I mentioned having your ego and your spirit be in alignment.  Being in alignment with yourself.  In order for you to truly love yourself, your ego and your spirit need to be in alignment.  In my opinion, the spiritual community focuses a lot on just moving from your head {ego} to your heart {spirit/higher self}, however, I believe that this is not the way towards true self love and alignment.  The spiritual community focuses a lot on just trying to be positive only and essentially forget that we are subject to the duality of nature and the universe.  I wrote about this topic a little more in my post titled "I'm Positive you Shouldn't Think Positive."  Ego is any and all of your thought processes, unconscious and conscious, both good and bad.

True self love requires one to love all aspects of themselves, even ego.  We are part human and part spirit, would we be fully loving ourselves if we reject the part of us that make us human and only accept the spirit?  There is no difference between living in rejection of your ego and living in rejection of your heart.  In both scenarios, one aspect of yourself is still being rejected.  If you are in rejection of part of your self, how can you be fully loving yourself?

If your ego says, "I am not worthy" - "I cannot be successful" - "I will never find love" - "Everyone in the world is selfish" - "I suck" - "I am a bad person."  These things are not rooted in truth!  It is true that some people DO do bad things, but as spirits we are all pure.  It is ego that is the root of bad behaviors.  You may or may not realize that these thought processes are going on inside of you.

Your higher self says, "I am worthy" - "I can be successful" - "I will find love and I do already have love" - "I am an amazing person" - "I am a good person." The soul is pure.  The soul is truth. 

When your thoughts are more in alignment with truth, you do not have to reject your ego as your thought processes have become in alignment with that truth.  You can love your ego.  You can even love your ego when it's not in alignment with your higher self.  We aren't perfect, and we are always going to have these egoic thought processes, however, once you gain a better understanding of the bigger picture, you can live more in truth.  You will be less likely to act upon ego and more likely to project truth.  Communication gets better, your happiness level gets better, your life gets better.  We understand other people better and see the same humanity in us, is present within them as well.

It looks like this within self:  (Picture a girl's boyfriend that is having an innocent platonic conversation with another girl)

Internal dialogue of the girl:
-"I am jealous of (other girl).  But I know that this jealousy stems within me, and that it is my responsibility to heal the wounds/issues that are the root of this jealousy.  I can tell him how I feel in order to be open and vulnerable with him, but I will also explain that I do no expect him to heal this for me and that I do not want or expect him to do anything different but be his true self."

This person has an understanding that the jealousy that she is feeling is that of her own and only she can and is responsible for it.   This is not to say that someone else's actions can't help, however, when all is said and done, only the person having the experience can change it.  Otherwise, the girl's jealous thought process will seep into the relationship in other ways.  This example could also have trust issues as well.  Sometimes, all it takes is for one person to change the dynamic in a relationship.

When you aren't in alignment, the internal conversation would go more like this:
Internal dialogue of the girl:
-"I am jealous of ____________.  Once we get home I am going to SNAP at him for talking to her!"

I can bet that you can imagine how the situation would unfold from here...the man is going to get upset at the girl for not trusting him, and an argument will follow because the girl will continue to make the man responsible for her own emotions and her own issues.  The man may come to resent the girl for her controlling behavior and inability to trust him. 

Remember, we can't change anyone else besides ourselves.
  

Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at pursueyoucoach@gmail.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://pursueyou.org

The Spiritual Ego

I wanted to write about this for a while now.  The good ole spiritual ego.  The spiritual ego is anything that would be considered spiritual that is not based in spiritual fact, the bare bones of it, free from any mind concepts, or at least as free from them as possible. 

When it comes to spiritual matters, things are less rigid.  Anything goes.  The less you know, the more you know, or is that even so?  I do want to say that I do believe that everything and everyone has its place and serves its purpose though.

Being spiritual, in my definition, means to be without, or at least be on a path to be without or understand, ego.  We are souls having a human experience.  SPIRIT being part of the word SPIRITual.  Spirit is without ego, souls are egoless.  Anything and everything that comes from the mind is ego, but this is what separates our souls from our humanity.  Our ego is part of what makes us humans.  I don't believe that anyone could ever be truly without ego, because for that to happen, one would have to die and be 100% spirit.

The spiritual ego happens in two different ways:  the "innocent" spiritual ego, and a more toxic spiritual ego [let me insert a vegan joke here].

Innocent spiritual ego would ask things like, "is this my soulmate?" "Is this my kundalini?" "Have I reached enlightenment?" Spirit does not need labels, especially when it pertains to spiritual matters.  It doesn't need anything that comes from the mind.  Innocent spiritual ego tries to make sense with the mind things that can only be...be!  See my post called "Connection to Labels."  Innocent ego doesn't project, judge, or have a "God complex."  Innocent spiritual ego is this post!  The innocent ego is without an "I am better than" attitude.  Innocent spiritual ego is wondering what ways you can balance your chakras.

This is the one I really wanted to talk about, the toxic spiritual ego.  This is the ego that says "You need to do this" "You need to be that" "I am better than you because..." "This person is wrong [about a spiritual matter] because..." "How could you charge money for a spiritual service [angry face]!?" "I am right and they/you are wrong [about a spiritual matter]."  Toxic spiritual ego is where the "God complex" comes into play.  Sometimes an innocent spiritual ego can sound like toxic spiritual ego, what I am attempting to illustrate and what I want to emphasize in regards to toxic spiritual ego is the "God complex" part of it.  These are people who shame and judge others based on spiritual matters.  Think along the lines of a cult.

We all have to experience spiritual matters through our minds, however, we do not have to try and understand them.  If it is weighing heavily on your mind whether or not something you are experiencing is your kundalini, for example, bring your focus back to the experience itself rather than the label of the experience and what it all means.  Let the experience be pure experience.  When you let the experience be experience, you will give room for whatever is meant to come from it come forth.  Flow with the essence and the experience itself, and what you are meant to obtain from the experience and who you are to become from the experience, will happen regardless if you try to understand or label it or not.

When it comes to matters of spirit, you are your best guide, nobody can tell you what is best for you.  You are your best instructor on your spiritual journey.  As a side note, since I am a coach, when it comes to picking out a spiritual coach pick one that is going to help guide you, not teach you.  They are there to help you guide yourself.  Beware of any "coach" that appears to have a toxic spiritual ego.  When I picked out my coaches, I chose coaches that did not go by the word "teacher" or "guru" etc.

Your spirituality is yours.  Your spiritual journey is yours.  Don't let someone else's spiritual ego get in the way of your own journey.

We can never "kill" our ego, we as a human beings would have to die in order for that to happen.  However, what we can do is make sure that our ego is coherent with our hearts and understand what ego is and the purpose that it serves.  When our heads and our hearts are coherent, our ego shifts into truth.  When our egos are more aligned in truth, we can live a more purely spiritual life without the influence of a toxic ego, even a spiritual ego.

Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at pursueyoucoach@gmail.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://pursueyou.org

Don't be afraid to leave a comment or give me feedback! 

Vulnerability: What Does it Mean to be Vulnerable?

If you want to know whether or not you are willing to be a vulnerable person, the only thing that you need to ask yourself is this:  Who knows the real you?  The true you.  Do you even know the real you?

Being truly vulnerable requires one to know oneself, one's true self [see Truth v. Honesty post].  Because if you don't know your true self, how can you be vulnerable and show this true self to the world?  If all you know about you is your ego mask, all that you will show to the world is that ego mask.  Vulnerability requires consciousness, it requires us to be awake.

Vulnerability requires us to be in a present state of no judgment, which also requires an acceptance of your judgment.  It is expressing exactly what is in your heart and on your mind, exposing your real self to those around you.

Vulnerability means to be without your mask in a state of full acceptance of true self.  It means opening yourself up to the world and letting people in.  Vulnerability is a chain reaction.  When one person opens up and is vulnerable, the person experiencing that vulnerability from another will be more likely to be vulnerable themselves, and even be vulnerable with a completely different person, setting off a chain reaction of vulnerability. 


We live in a world where it is more acceptable to withhold being vulnerable due to fear, usually it is the fear of being hurt in one way or another.  Most of the time, the pain we are trying to avoid is emotional pain.  But what if everyone was a little more vulnerable?  I believe that we would begin to see that there is nothing to fear and more people would feel free to just be themselves and our expectations would shift.  We would see more of the spirit within us all.  We would open ourselves up to love more and experience less self-made pain and misery.  When someone asks us how we are, to say "good" is the socially acceptable response, even if we aren't doing okay.  What if we could change that?  What if it was okay to say, "you know what, today has been a bit rough," we would have the opportunity to open ourselves up to others' help and it would transform the notion that we are all separate beings and help bring people together to see each other's humanity.  We each are responsible for our own emotions and our own inner state of being, however, being open to and receiving help is not a bad thing.  With a shift of cultural and societal expectations, we would feel less pressure to put our mask on, truth would become the norm.  In a time where separateness through social media and the internet is rampant through cyberbullying etc., we need to begin to make the shift.  But in order to make that shift, we need to make the shift within ourselves first.  Be the example.  Telling someone else what to do isn't enough, especially if you are not practicing what you preach.

It is time that we get truthful with ourselves about who we really are, be present within ourselves, and take responsibility for ourselves, our emotions, and behavior.  The external is always a reflection of the internal.  As above, so below, as within, so without.  The biggest blocks to being vulnerable are fear, judgment, and not living in the present moment.

If you are afraid of what someone might say or think if you take off your mask, you're not being present and you're judging yourself in a negative way about what you look like without the mask.  This judgment in you causes fear.  All of this will be reflected back onto you.  If you judge yourself, then how can you expect someone else not to?  Now, we all have ego, and for as long as we are here on Earth we are still part human.  Judgment happens, judgment will happen.  In order for us to be vulnerable through that judgment we must accept that judgment and not judge the judgment!  It's like layers of an onion.  If you are judging yourself for not being able to not judge, you are still judging yourself about your ability to not judge.  You are not being present with yourself by projecting your judgment onto another person in another time other than this moment.  This combined brings fear.  In order to move through that fear you must first address your presence and your judgment.

Here are some affirmations for this:
-I choose to believe that I am worthy of being accepted for who I really am
-I choose to believe that I am an imperfectly perfect being
-I choose to believe that if I open myself up to love by being vulnerable, the same type of love that I show myself by opening up will be returned back to me
-I choose to believe that the only moment that ever exists, that ever matters, is the present moment
-I choose to believe that I can be courageous
-I choose to believe that showing my true self will attract exactly what I need in each moment my life
-I choose to believe that anyone that does not accept my true self and reject me, is not meant to have a place in my life

This one is not an affirmation, but it does help to stay present:  Focus on whatever it is that is right out in front of you.  If it is a faucet, for example, focus on the faucet and tell yourself "I am looking at a faucet right now."

The first step is to address your presence and the topics I discuss in my post called Truth v. Honesty.  Once you know your true self, focus on staying present and focus on working on judgment.  Once you have that, work on courage.

Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at pursueyoucoach@gmail.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://pursueyou.org

Confessions of a People Pleaser: How to Identify & Heal People Pleasing Behaviors

I don't think I ever considered myself to be a "people pleaser" until I started to take a look into myself.  I had always just considered myself to be extremely self-less and just a nice person.  I did not realize what my people pleasing stemmed from and why it was not a good thing until I started my personal journey.

I was always that person that thought of someone else's needs before my own.  I would jump at any opportunity to help someone out, even if it was to my expense.  I would do something, even if I didn't want to do it, I would agree with something, even if I didn't agree with it; most importantly is that I did not express my true feelings about it.  In truth, I was afraid I would be abandoned or rejected if I didn't "just go with it", but I was not very conscious of this truth.

What is important to realize about people pleasing, is that it actually can be selfish behavior.  People pleasers sometimes do not people please out of pure goodness in their hearts.  They people please because they are afraid that if they stop doing these behaviors, they will be abandoned or rejected.  The root of people pleasing is abandonment and rejection.  If you are the type of person that will agree to someone else, like doing something that you REALLY don't want to do, and you do not voice your true feelings about doing it, listen up!

If you are not taking care of yourself and your needs first, if you are not first being loving towards yourself, you cannot be loving towards others.  Think about the energy behind the behavior.  We are all in-tuned to everyone's energy, whether we realize it or not.  If you think you may be a people pleaser, the next time you find yourself in such situation stop for a moment.  Think about what you want to say to the other person, for example, let's say they want you to do something with them.  Before you respond, ask yourself whether or not you really want to do whatever it is they are doing.  If you don't, then voice it.  If there are some other factors, such as you don't want to but you do want to for other reasons, then voice it!  And ask yourself if your choice is serving your best interests or not.  This is not a place to be selfish and unemphatic though, it does leave room for and should be composed of compromise if need be.  Ask yourself why you are responding in the way that you are wanting to respond.  Is it because you are worried about how the other person will feel or how you will be treated by them?  If your reasoning pertains mostly to to the other person, are you not taking your own wishes and needs into consideration?  Will you feel uneasy or uncomfortable if you chose to express your true feelings about it?  Remind yourself that you can freely express yourself and be accepted, that you don't have to go along with the crowd if you do not want to and you can be accepted for who you are as an individual.  Again, compromising is okay, just be sure to do yourself the service of expressing your true feelings about it, don't hold back on saying "well I really don't want to [or I really shouldn't], but..."  The more you care about the other persons' opinion of you etc., the more likely you are to exhibit people pleasing behaviors around them, especially if you have not been your true self with them.  Again, this behavior stems from fear of abandonment and rejection. 

Affirmations that can help wit this are:
-I choose to believe I am accepted for who I am
-I choose to believe that I am worthy of love as my true self
-I choose to believe that those who choose to abandon or reject me for being myself are not meant to be in my life in this way
-I choose to believe that for as many people that may reject or abandon me, there will also be people who will accept and love me for being myself


If you were trying on clothes and you found a shirt that you REALLY liked, but were unsure of how it looked on you once you put it on, and you asked a friend whether or not they thought it looked good, you would want that friend to be truthful correct?  You wouldn't want your friend just to say they loved it and that it looked good just because you said you really liked the shirt while it was on the rack right?  Especially since once you put the shirt on, you weren't really interested in it anymore.  Truthfulness is always the most loving thing you can give to other people and yourself, even if it can sound brutal at times.


Check out my blog's Facebook page and Pursue You Coaching Facebook page for more information and join my Facebook Group or contact me at megan@relationshipreinvented.com for a FREE 30 minute session. You can also check out my website: https://megan4476.wixsite.com/pursueyou